


Chances We Didn't Take

by Rivulet027



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Multiverse, POV Hartley Rathaway, Platonic Cuddling, Season/Series 02, Self-Acceptance, Sharing a Bed, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 08:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13993974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivulet027/pseuds/Rivulet027
Summary: Just as Hartley is wondering if his life was better before Barry Allen time traveled he encounters a meta that gives him a glimpse into the multiverse.





	Chances We Didn't Take

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greerwatson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greerwatson/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with DC. The title is from a Lewis Carroll quote: "We only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have,and the decisions we waited too long to make.”
> 
> Warning: Hartley and Rob discuss Hartley's parents' homophobia. There are also a few instances where Hartley almost dies.

There’s some small part of Hartley that keeps picking at the idea that his life may have been better off before Barry Allen traveled back in time. He wants to ask, but knows he has to wait a year. He gets a job with Mercury Labs and helps when Cisco or Caitlin contact him, it’s mostly Caitlin. At the very least they want his help with their Time Wraith problem, but they consult with him on other problems and slowly he begins to become an axillary member of Team Flash. 

He helps them find Ronnie. Cisco cools towards him. Caitlin is grateful. Then Ronnie is dead and while they’re still reeling from his loss they have to save Professor Stein. Hartley isn’t sure how to take the loss, isn’t sure how to be there for Caitlin, Cisco, or Barry. He throws himself into his work, but that’s not satisfying either. It just leaves him feeling more isolated. He checks in with Caitlin weekly, but he’s not sure if his presence is still wanted.

He’s grateful when his parents invite him to dinner. He’s feeling at ease and hopeful after having saved Barry from the Time Wraith. He ignores the niggle of doubt at the confusion on Barry’s face when he’d returned from the past. Hartley tries to concentrate on meeting his parents for dinner instead. He knows he’s made a mistake almost as soon as the door closes behind him.

“What are those?” his mother asks with distaste.

Hartley is just quick enough to side step away from her reaching hands and cover his ears. “Hearing aids. They’re necessary.” 

“Hide them before our guests see,” she advises before she’s heading towards the dining room.

“Guests?” Hartley asks trailing behind her instead of escaping out the door like he suddenly wants to.

She pauses outside the dining room and accesses him up and down slowly, nose wrinkling briefly.

“I dressed nicely,” Hartley placates. “I need my hearing aids unless you want me writhing around on the floor in pain. You said nothing about guests when you invited me.”

She makes an unconvinced and unimpressed noise before sweeping into the dining room and greeting his father and their guests. Hartley follows, lets himself be introduced. He’s trying to have a relationship with his parents, even after attacking their building last year and yet he suddenly can’t even muster a smile as his mother introduces him to Mrs. Browne and her grandson, Rob. He notes Rob’s wedding ring and realizes where he recognizes the other man.

“Aren’t you married to the police captain?” Hartley asks, raising his eyebrows. The article in the paper had included several pictures. 

“Yes,” Rob’s annoyance gets directed at his grandmother.

“He’s not good enough for you, dear,” Mrs. Browne tells Rob while patting him on the arm.

Rob grimaces at him and Hartley glances at his parents, noting both their discomfort. Hartley is about to make a cutting comment, asking which upsets his parents more: that they’re essentially setting him up with a married man or that they’re setting him up with a man. The pleading on Rob’s face has Hartley swallowing his protests.

Dinner is tense. His parents say little. Mrs. Browne is clearly trying to sell him to Rob, who politely asks about his work and responds to Hartley’s questions about what he does for a living. Hartley makes excuses as soon as dinner is eaten, citing the need to get to work early to continue an experiment. His parents clearly aren’t going to see him out and Mrs. Browne insists her grandson go with him. He ignores Rob and makes his way to his old room. 

He pauses in the doorway. Rob asks what he’s doing.

“I wanted to get a few things, but it seems my room is now a study.”

“You’d think they’d have had the decency to turn it into a guest room,” Rob quips.

“Decency went out the window a long time ago,” Hartley frowns as he continue to look around the room for anything that might be his. “We haven’t talked in years, not since they kicked me out.”

Rob’s brow knits together. “Did they kicked you out for being gay?”

“And yet they’ll invite me over to impress your grandmother,” Hartley deflects as he makes his way to what used to be his closet. 

“I’m…”

“Don’t apologize for other people bad behavior,” Hartley cuts off as he moves into the back of the bare closet. He squats down to pull back the carpet, moving a loose board and then stares at the empty space. He sits back on his heels. There’s nothing for him here.

Rob leans around the closet door with a small frown. “I can still sympathize. Buy you a coffee?”

“And give your grandmother hope?” Hartley manages, hoping his tone didn’t come out as hollow as it sounds to his own ears.

“Not for her, thanks for putting up with this,” Rob smiles. It’s disarming, Hartley wants a friend who isn’t a part of the weirdness that is heroes and supervillains. It’d be nice to talk to someone where half the conversation doesn’t revolve around meta abilities.

“I really do have to go into work early,” Hartley apologizes before putting everything back the way it was and standing. He dusts himself off.

“I didn’t mean now. I have to take my grandmother home, she’ll be touting all your virtues and telling me how awful David is the whole time.”

“He’s a police officer, what more does she want?” Hartley shakes his head as they head out of the room.

“Someone with more money than they know what to do with?”

“Then my parents have misrepresented me,” Hartley reassures. “I’ve learned to budget since they cut me off.”

Rob laughs. 

They exchange numbers and make plans to meet later in the week. Caitlin checks in with him right before Hartley is about to head to bed. He tells her it wasn’t a total disaster, he might have made a friend, even if he’ll likely not talk to his parents again. She tells him about the information Barry came back with, asks him to stop by to help them decipher it. Barry watches him quietly, doesn’t rise to any of the small jokes Hartley tosses his way. Their easy banter is gone.

Hartley finally stops and looks at him. “I’ve changed. I’m not the same person you knew.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Barry tries to reassure.

“I can’t know that,” Hartley sighs, putting the marker in his hand down. “You’re no longer comfortable with me.”

“Sorry?”

Hartley tilts his head, studying the guilt and discomfort on Barry’s face. They’re not going to get their easy banter back. It’d been nice, but he’ll have to let it go. Hartley huffs in frustration, “Criminal?”

Barry nods.

“A further embarrassment to my parents, but at least in that timeline they wouldn’t be setting me up with married men.”

“They what?”

Hartley makes an affirmative noise as he picks the marker back up, takes mild satisfaction in the horror on Barry’s face, and studies the equation. “I don’t believe I’ll be agreeing to dinner in the future.”

Barry makes a sympathetic noise and finally seems to be comfortable enough to move closer as they both study the equation.

His head is still turning over how to apply the speed force equation practically when he meets Rob at Jitters. He tries to focus on Rob, it’s been a long time since he tried to make a friend and he doesn’t want to be awkward. His usual response of cutting remarks and belittlement will only isolate him further and Hartley isn’t prepared for that right now. So instead he points out that he didn’t learn much about Rob at dinner. This somehow segues into them comparing activities their families had forced them into when they were younger.

“I still don’t get the point of golf,” Rob is telling him when Hartley notices a young woman drifting closer. She’s pale, her blonde hair highlighted with curls of green. She purple eyes stare at Rob intently.

“Don’t,” Hartley tells her, as she reaches their table.

Her gaze snaps over to him. “Well aren’t you pretty. Timeline already all jumbled and you’re important to David too, just not here.”

Hartley mouths ‘run’ at Rob and meets her gaze, reaching into his bag to get his gloves.

“I think you’ll be more fun,” she decides before she grabs his face. Hartley has one brief moment of feeling her hands on his cheeks before he’s waking up screaming. He’s in a bedroom, it’s his, but not his apartment. He’s not on his world, the vibrations are wrong. The door opening pulls his focus and he’s suddenly looking at a large man he barely recognizes, but at the same time the him from this world knows this is Mick. He’s standing there in sleep pants and a shirt that’s on backwards as he signs, “You okay?”

Hartley grimaces. Mick nods and crosses over to the bed, sits behind him and wraps his arms around Hartley.

Hartley is stunned by how instantly he relaxes. He closes his eyes, turns his head so that his forehead is pressing lightly against Mick’s neck and then concentrates on the arms engulfing him and the low rumble of Mick’s voice against his back. Slowly his breathing evens out and he feels comfortable enough that he’d be able to go back to sleep.

Len’s leaning against his door when he opens his eyes.

“Better?” Len signs raising his eyebrows.

Hartley nods. “Thanks.”

Everything tilts, shifts and he finds himself in his world, only it’s the past and it’s no longer his reality. A clip board is put on his lap. Hartley looks up to glare at Mick, who just drops down into a chair across from him.

“I agreed to bring you to your appointment,” Hartley snipes.

“I rescheduled. If you don’t like her try someone else.”

Hartley opens his mouth to protest, but he’s running on fumes from several sleepless nights.

“Besides,” Mick points out. “You do good, it won’t take much to convince Axel.”

“Thought you were threatening to carry him here,” Hartley grumbles. He hasn't considered therapy before.

“He’s going to need meds. If he doesn’t get them he’s going to need inpatient,” Mick continues.

Hartley wants to agree, a part of him wants to give in if it’ll help the younger man. He deflects. “Is that’s why you started taking your meds in front of him?”

“Kid’s not stupid, but knowing you’ll have to be on meds for the rest of your life,” Mick pauses and huffs as he searches for the words he wants to use. Hartley waits. Mick will either use a similar word that’s not what he meant, but close enough to figure out the meaning, get frustrated and then they’ll get to leave, or push Hartley to fill in the word he’s having trouble with. Mick looks away and down with a frown as he admits, “It took me time to accept it.”

Hartley wonders if he’ll be asked to try medication. Is there a pill that helps with nightmares? He considers asking Mick, who slouches in his chair and leans his head back, as if he’s ready to take a nap because he knows he’s already won.

“If I’m not here to be your ride home, then I should get to pick where we pick up dinner. No pizza.”

Mick sits up with a grumble, goes quiet briefly, then offers, “Steaks?”

“Steak?”

Mick points at the paperwork. “Big step, deserves an award.”

Hartley keeps a cutting comment about positive reinforcement to himself, he knows that it’s one of the things Mick uses for himself that works so he’s not about to belittle it. He’s also wants a steak now. Mick pulls out his phone, deciding that Snart will pay, and asks where Hartley wants to pick up steaks from.

Hartley is considering if he wants to push for Mick to cook or for them to go out when the scene shifts again. He’s not on his world anymore, but he is standing in front of David. Hartley isn’t sure how he suddenly knows all these people that he’s only seen pictures of, but he does know that on this world he knows the man standing in front of him. He shifts closer, pointing out that they’re on opposite sides, this thing between them can’t work. Hartley knows he should say goodbye, should walk away, but he keeps moving closer.

“We’ll figure us out,” David reassures. Then they’re kissing and part of Hartley wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of their situation, but he shifts closer still. They’ll figured themselves out, they’ll figure them out. Every practical part of Hartley is telling him that they’re on opposite sides of the law, but no part of him actually wants to stop this, to walk away from David.

The scene shifts again, he’s still on a different world, but he’s back in the same bedroom that he had the nightmare in. He’s just waking up, but Axel is curled onto a chair in the corner of his room. Axel scrubs a hand over his face. Hartley blinks long and slow, but shifts so he can reach the nightstand. He puts his hearing aids in, then turns off the machine that filters his room at night so he won’t need them. Axel chews on his lip. Hartley groans and collapses back against his pillow. “It’s four in the morning, nightmare?”

Axel shakes his head. Hartley pulls back his covers. Axel unfurrows from the chair slowly, brow knitted and still chewing on his lower lip. Hartley isn’t sure how he’s become Axel’s de facto older brother. Axel pads over and drops down onto the bed. Hartley wraps a blanket covered arm around him as he reassures, “They weren’t fighting about you.”

“It shouldn’t upset me,” Axel huffs, looking at him with a face full of worry and doubt. “They went outside to argue.”

With his meta abilities prolonged loud noises give Hartley a headache and yelling amps up both Axel and Mark’s anxiety.

Axel tenses when the door drifts opens. Shawna tilts her head and smiles slightly, shoulders relaxing. Hartley reassures Axel that it’s only Shawna, who sometimes wakes up and needs to reassure herself that they’re all safe, peeking in on them. Hartley knows that Mick does the same right after he’s locked up the house for the night. Sometimes Len peeks in at all of them too. Hartley sighs and shifts back on the bed, Axel shifts over with him. Shawna closes the door and joins them, wrapping an arm around Axel too.

“Bad dream?” Hartley asks her.

Shawna nods. “I woke up and all of you were gone.”

She's been having a reoccurring nightmare that they all abandon her for weeks.

“Here now,” Axel offers. “Not…not planning on going anywhere.”

Shawna agrees, but the hesitation in his voice worries Hartley.

“What happened?” Hartley asks.

“I don’t want to work with my dad again,” Axel confesses, “but I know I won’t tell him no.”

Shawna’s eyes widen in worry. Hartley frowns. They both know that James Jesse had recently escaped from prison, but they all have been taking turns making sure Axel isn’t alone when he goes out.

“Did he actually try and contact you?” Shawna pushes.

The scene shifts again before Axel answers. Hartley puts the paper he’s reading down as the air shifts behind him. He stands as he turns to take Wally in. Wally grins at him as he bounces on his toes. “Did you read it?”

He’s still in his yellow and red Kid Flash suit. Hartley wets his lips, it’s really unfair how good Wally looks in that suit.

“Most of it, the concepts fascinating,” Hartley manages. “Do I want to know?”

“We won,” Wally reassures as he pulls his cowl down.

Hartley makes a considering noise.

“Not a Rogue,” Wally reassures.

“Exactly. We didn’t have anything planned tonight. New villians don’t play by the rules,” Hartley reminds.

“I know I should point out that it’s not a game, but since one of the rules is that no one dies and innocent people don’t get hurt…” Wally trails off with an awkward look to the side.

“You could’ve changed,” Hartley suggests.

Wally’s smile is back as he closes the distance between them pointing out, “You like me in my suit.”

“I thought you wanted help with your paper.”

“I do,” Wally nods. “It’s not due till next week, so I’m thinking food and a movie.”

Wally reaches out and squeezes one of his hands and Hartley blinks, the pieces finally, miraculously falling into place. He teases, “Are you trying to seduce me into being a hero?”

“Is it working?”

“Seducing yes. Hero no,” Hartley warns.

“I can work with that.”

Hartley is pulling Wally in for a kiss when his worlds shift again. He sitting on the floor of the Waverider engine room handing Jax tools while holding a tablet in his other hand. He’s trying to convince Gideon to let him read articles that were published after he’d joined.

“I need…” Jax starts, but trails off when Hartley places the next tool in his hand. “Thanks.”

Hartley makes a non-committal noise and swipes at the tablet again. He sighs and puts the tablet down. “I’m worried about Mick.”

“Really?” Jax asks.

“Really.”

Jax pauses, gets himself to a stopping point and slowly sits up to look at Hartley. “He’s been grieving.”

“With healthy coping mechanisms?” Hartley points out. 

He shifts again, this time he's sitting at the table across from Shawna asking her questions from flash cards. They’ve been doing this for over an hour, her test is in a few days.

Things shift again and he’s sitting near Mick, watching as he builds a spare cold gun from scratch. Hartley doesn’t doubt that Mick knows both the heat and cold guns inside and out or that having spares is a good idea, he just wants to know more. His fingers itch to help. Mick glances at him, turns slightly so that it’s easier for Hartley to see what he’s doing. Hartley thanks him. Mick grunts and continues working.

Then Hartley is suddenly standing on a different world. He’s following behind Heatwave and Captain Cold, while Trickster (Axel) and Peek-a-Boo are at his side. Weather Wizard is bringing up the rear. They all might die, but Zoom needs to either leave their world or die.

When things shift again Hartley’s back is against a wall and Reverb is in front of him smirking. He’s going to die.

“I’m going to enjoy this,” Reverb tells him. “Might not even use my powers.”

"I acted alone,” Hartley lies.

Reverb laughs. “Zoom decided to kill Julian himself. Did the two of you really think you could make a difference?”

“They’re children Francisco,” Hartley stalls, hoping that extra time might let Peek-a-Boo escape with the three children they were trying to help.

“They’re metas. Know that we’re going to find them again. Know that they'll work for Zoom. You failed.”

He’s going to have to fight Reverb and either Francisco will win or Zoom will show up and kill him. Hartley knows he’s not making it out of this alive, but maybe Shawna can. He lifts his hands, but nothing happens.

Reverb laughs. “I modified your gloves to dampen your powers instead of enhance them.”

“Oh hell no,” Cisco says. “I did not take a trip into your head to watch that me kill you.”

The two of them start of fight, the Reverb and Hartley of this world, but Hartley is able to concentrate on Cisco in front of him. It hurts, but he can.

“We need to get you out of here,” Cisco says.

“What did she do?” Hartley manages.

“Physically we put you in a cell from the pipeline, hoping we’d be able to disrupt what her powers did to you, but it hasn’t worked. Somehow she sent you to yourself throughout the multiverse.”

“Do you...” Hartley starts, then collapses in pain. He looks past Cisco. Reverb really is going to kill him and Hartley can suddenly just feel himself dying. Cisco is yelling, but Hartley can’t make the words out as the world starts to fade, but then it shifts again.

He’s rubs at his temples as he enter STAR labs. Everyone is already clamoring, talking over each other, offering ideas. He pauses in the doorway, because he doesn’t recognize everyone, but then Wally greets him. Hartley responds with a grin and then the two of them are teasing each other and continuing a conversation from the last time they saw each other. Cisco is suddenly right there next to him, but he’s also across the room in a different outfit.

“Okay, jumping worlds when you’re about to die, probably a good idea,” Cisco admits. “Flirting with Wally in front of his dad, probably not the smartest idea.”

“I don’t have any control,” Hartley admits as he manages to stand next to Cisco as Wally wraps an arm around this world’s Hartley and draws him into the group. “Did Rob get away?”

“Yes, she didn’t hurt anyone else.”

Hartley nods, forcing himself to concentrate on Cisco is difficult. It would be easier to be the Hartley of this world, over there across the room helping with this world’s problem.

“Hartley,” Cisco snaps at him.

Hartley blinks at him slowly. “I’m trying. Do you know how to stop this?”

Things are already fading around him and Hartley can’t make out Cisco’s response. He’s on a different world, making his way down the street. He might have been fired, but that’s not going to silence him about his certainty that the Particle Accelerator is going to explode. He’s suddenly in an alleyway and Wells is holding him.

“I’m sorry that it’s come to this,” Wells tells him. For one brief moment the disappointment in Well’s voice give Hartley pause, but his mentor is going to hurt people, probably kill people and…

Hartley’s eyes widen as Well’s hand begins to vibrate, moving towards his chest. Cisco is suddenly just there yelling at him that he’s going to die and he has to move onto the next world. Well’s hand is…

Hartley is running towards Axel. Aliens, who thought they’d be any help against aliens. Shawna is suddenly just there, wrapping her arms around Axel and teleporting them both away. Hartley raises his hands, using his powers to attack the large creature with pinchers that had been about to crush Axel. 

“That is one big ugly,” Cisco comments. “Hartley you have to concentrate on me, don’t get caught up in the world you’re in, unless you’re dying then you have to move on. You’re vitals start bottoming out every time you almost die.”

The Hartley of this world is protecting a building full of people with Shawna and Axel. He’s going to die. They’re probably all going to die, but more metas might show up to help. They have to hope that more people will help. When Len checks in with them over their ear pieces Shawna tells him they’re trying, but could use back up. She’s right, they’re out numbered. This isn’t going to last long.

“Hartley,” Cisco yells. “Concentrate on me. Hold my hand. Can you grab my hand?”

Hartley wants to run screaming. There is no way he’s going to live through this, but if they can hold off this part of the invasion party, maybe the people in the building will be saved. Hartley raises his hands.

Cisco is still yelling at him.

The world fades again and he’s suddenly laying on the ground. David is leaning over him, face etched in concern. Hartley’s tired, so tired. David is turning, yelling at someone. Cisco is suddenly right there. “Hartley I really need you to hold my hand. I don’t know any other way to do this, but you’re dying here. We need to get you out.”

Hartley frowns. It’s hard to concentrate on what David is telling him when Cisco is talking so gravely and he knows Cisco. He’s never actually met David. No, the him of this world knows David. The him of…Hartley closes his eyes. He just wants to sleep. David yells at him. Cisco yells at him. Hartley forces himself to concentrate on his hand, to reach out towards Cisco.

He suddenly laying in one of the cells from the pipeline, except the floor is a mattress and it’s in one of the out of the way labs. Cisco is laying across from him. Their fingers are still intertwined. Everything is still a jumble, pieces of his life on other worlds overlapping. Hartley tries to concentrate on the sound of his breathing, the feel of Cisco’s fingers wrapping around his, tries to ground himself in reality. Every part of him aches and that helps. He knows this is his world, the vibration is correct.

“Rob?” Hartley finally manages to croak.

“You don’t remember?”

That’s right. Cisco already said. 

“He’s fine Hartley, worried about you,” Cisco tells him.

Hartley takes another slow breath. He wets his lips. “Have you guys ask Cold to help against Zoom?”

Cisco stares at him, eyes wide.

“You’re still fighting Zoom right? It’s Zoom?”

“Yeah,” Cisco says slowly. “Do you mean Captain Cold?”

Hartley makes an affirmative noise, then elaborates, “Snart and Rory.”

“I didn’t realize you know them.”

“I don't,” Hartley admits. He misses them and the rest of the Rogues. There are no Rogues here. It feels wrong somehow, less safe.

“They’re not on Earth, a time traveler took them. Don’t know why he picked them.”

“Is there a way to get ahold of them?” Hartley tries. 

Cisco laughs. “To try and get the cold gun? I don’t…”

“There are rules,” Hartley tells him. “They keep Central City safe. Cold will help if it’s Central City he’s saving.”

Cisco stares at him. “Do I want to know what you saw?”

“I saw them build a spare cold gun and knew where they planned to hide it. This world might be a little different.”

“Earth One,” Cisco tells him. “This is Earth One and you belong here. Getting lost again?”

“No,” Hartley groans before he shuffles over and presses close to Cisco, who stills briefly, then wraps his arms around Hartley. “Where are we?”

“Figured you couldn't wear your hearing aids all the time and put this together if you needed a break from them,” Cisco admits.

“That was considerate of you,” Hartley manages.

Cisco’s arms tighten around him and his voice is teasing, “Still hate you.”

Hartley closes his eyes, lets himself have a moment to relax against Cisco, because he knows any moment Caitlin is going to be here attempting to run a series of test. “Feeling's mutual”.


End file.
